my new-found celebrity crush.

I love learning about this president. Nothing compares to what he tried to accomplish and the trials and tribulations of his life and his exuding presence and personality and his vivacity and his views of diplomacy and policy and so forth are so so admirable and though he did have the Irish Aryan upbringing, he still inspires through breaking religious precedents and ethnic barriers. And his being from Boston doesn't hurt my admiration for him at alll.

I can't wait until break when I can just read and look and be captivated all over again by his simple manner of inspiring a country to care about a variety of issues at his library. Seeing what he did, how he started, and how he overcame all his physical illnesses to become this amazing leader of our free world really makes me think that this is not all for naught. this all is for something. this all matters in some way, and there's without a doubt a higher purpose and goal to every moment and path I tread. and though, i cannot BE john f. kennedy --or president at all for that matter (:[)--i CAN change this world and make it better through my existence.

I can affect a tangible change that will last beyond my small time in this earthly world. But thoughts like that drift me far from the sciences and caring about obscure things like "the future of photoacoustic imaging" or how to program a coin game in C++. I have to constantly reassure myself that world-changing is NOT going to happen overnight, and I can't very well drop EVERYTHING to achieve social change. I have to work within the confines of society, for now. I have to think about how to make the best of this situation. I have to, as corny or ridiculous as it sounds, ask myself "WWJFKD?" And though that answer changes, I know that Harvard JFK would make the best of it, even if it wasn't his cup of tea ( like Latin his sophomore year.) It's endearing to know that THOUGH he did not do particularly STELLAR academically, and was a C-student, he was the one who captured everyone's hearts and minds and hope. He had that magnetic personality. Even when he was basically failing Choate, his family and his friends and the administration did not write him off because he had that intangible fire inside him that could not be put out.

I'd like to think I have even a 10th of that-- the ability to make someone's day or light up that moment for them, or the ability to inject hope in someone unable to make it through. And if not, that's something I'd want to aspire to be. Not a title like "professor", or "lawyer", or "doctor"-- just infectious hope. And when I realize that “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson I know I'm going to be okay-- what matters is within me- and that's this desire.

Reflective!

I’m sitting at the spot I called ,eloquently, “2tree” last year. (The second tree on the grassy knoll from proximity to Marks Hall.) I came here because I am stressed. I am super worried about my midterm on Friday. I know I will do everything in my power, but it’s just frustrating because circumstances, more than my will, have kept me from studying. I have wanted nothing more than the chance to just study and do problems for hours at a time—I know that that will prepare me completely for this task on Friday.
I realized that I am either a brilliant actress or the WORST actress because I can’t hide my emotions. I wear them on my face. Walking into APASS today to just give back my leftover cutlery and plasticware and pick up my paycheck, I didn’t THINK I looked stressed, but apparently, I did.

Once it was pointed out, I realized that stress was that feeling in my stomach like I was going to throw up. Stress was that flutter that wouldn’t dissipate. Stress was that feeling that this was all too much. Unsustainable. Stress was the panic and fear that set in as jade told me I would moderate the panel yesterday. The adrenaline and the thought “WHEN would I finish studying? WHEN would the universe allow for THAT to happen?!”

This is why I’m reflecting right now. I need to collect my thoughts. I need to get my problem sets done and come up with ideas for my BME project, and finish my presentation for my theater project about Bharatanatyam, but not at the expense of my sanity. I need to work within the framework of my brain instead of fight against it.

i need to work on the strength that are these emotions that I convey all too well, instead of dwelling on the negative. I need to CHILL OUT, but AFTER this midterm! :]

<3,
Maithreyi

gratias tibi ago, USC.

today.

I happened to ponder of the good ol' days.

the days filled with wants, needs, and desires that could NOT be met in high school.

the days filled with a yearning for MORE.

a yearning for a school where I could make that MORE a reality.

a yearning filled by the passionate words of MIT undergrads in their Admissions' blogs.

as I saw that the students who had inspired me had no longer a spot on the site, I realized my age. My status as a SOPHOMORE in COLLEGE. And that I have come three years since the days that I would pray and hope and dream and wish for that school. that experience. that life.

I'm happy God provided me with a first-class education that I hadn't necessarily hand-picked.

I'm happy that the UNIVERSE made USC happen for me.

I'm happy that I am at a school that values all the parts of itself: humanities, diversity, sciences, arts, engineering, education, etc. EVERY idea in the world is represented, every COUNTRY is represented, every FACET of society is represented. I love this school beyond a shadow of a doubt, and realizing that I am no longer the pining heart of a trying highschooler, but I am forevermore a Trojan.

sedes ubi fata quieta ostendunt; illic fas regna resurgere Troiae

"Here are provided seats of meditative joy, where shall rise again the destined reign of Troy."

I LOVE my school, and I think that crying over how much I have grown is a testament that I haven't even noticed how much I have taken on this Trojan identity. While we may not have the most recognized class rings in the country, and while we might not be automatically assumed as the best engineers, and while we may not have the Logarhythms, we ARE SC, we WILL fight on, and the Trojan Family is super strong. Viterbi is in the top ten engineering schools along with marshall school of business and the school of cinematic arts. We excel at athletics, academics, and have involvement in the community and our school. We are the future as we are well-rounded in thought, action, and execution. We are prepared for ANY circumstance and for all the bureaucracy of our world since we have a great deal of it in our own institution. We are a force to be reckoned with. We will rise. Our Troy will become a Rome. And I'm so so so grateful that I came here.

"HOPE deferred makes the heart sick."

So, recently, I have been really reverting to one of my worst qualities: judgement. I tend to formulate a view of someone that is hard to break, but VERY refreshing if and when it is broken.

Perfect example is a girl who is very similar to me--I judged her through her facebook persona, never having met her in real life, but it ends up being that she is SUPER interesting & really reminds me of myself when I was in her shoes just one short year ago.

I judge EVERYONE. I judge people for different things. I think it gives me an idea of conversation topics, and ways to go about discussing things with them, but I really should not. I don't think I take into account that I am also being judged. I don't think I comprehend the view that I give to others of my personality, what they think of me from how I dress, act, and what I do.

When thinking about the lowest points of myself, and things I want to change -- it's this quality. I think I'm doing better on the whole, but there are times where I am judgemental & snippy when I should be open and accepting. Going to "Overflow" always teaches me lessons I would not have ever thought to examine.

When Steve told his (hilarious, but sad and moving) story about Gina and Joe, and what ill feelings or parts of us had died in our pasts, it took me back to January. I had judged my community. I had judged my school. I had deemed them unfit for me and not worthy of my love and my appreciation. I had deemed them lost causes, and I almost resented being here. I was LOST and my HOPE was deferred! My heart was so so very sick. I was in the worst place spiritually-- I was back to going through the motions, but not believing.

God has definitely resurrected my passion--this summer, putting dance in my path, placing my heart in Wyoming and giving me both a breather and a spiritual healer and a bout of rest, and time with community and friends back in Boston. Doing those things, staying active, and becoming myself again, I felt as though my desire and my drive were revitalized! God is good.

I feel like I am repurposed. I feel as though I live to serve: not just my community, my future, and my generation, but ANYONE and EVERYONE. I feel this sense of obligation to my fellow man, and I think I felt it when I came to campus last year, but I did not understand the nudge that God was giving me. I know now, and I am pursuing it. I think that I will never tire of saying how "LIfe of Pi" changed my life, but it really came to me when my mind was reopened.

The haunting thoughts of "WHY am I drawn to these people?" & the nervous questioning and obedience to my parents that "I won't hang out with the "Christians" anymore" all confused me. I had a spiritual identity crisis: and spiritual identity should not a crisis make. I know that now. I know that "All religions are true." & that I can rationalize and explain my love for my Christian community of brothers and sisters through my love for God: whether that be Hanuman, Ganesha, Murugan, or Jesus.

It may not be how YOU view it, but my spiritual life is what works for me, and how God wishes and wills me to view the world. I am at peace with the world nowadays, and I truly feel brought back to life. I feel like this is my second chance to make something of this opportunity I was given. To be a light on campus. To be a beacon to those lost and alone like I felt last semester. I really hope that USC Drishti takes off the way I think it could. I really hope that people reciprocate the dedication I have for my communities. I really hope that one day, Hindu Student Organization can be a family as dedicated and consecrated to God and the word that we meet more than 2 times a week out of the WANT in our hearts. Or Drishti would want to practice and bond as a team super-often. I hope people show their inner-zeal. I hope I get accepted to the things I want. I want them so badly. I hope that DESI Project is successful! I have not deferred my hope. My heart is beating strongly.

<33,

maithreyi

Faith

please watch ! i reallly enjoyed making this. it's short, but it should get a discussion going! :)