I'm getting back into the rhythm of things. My average in math is a 97 or 98, and chem is 97, and history is like vuteverr, english is a ninety somethingg. [i hate his quizzess] vb is AHH i don't know. latin is a ninety something too cuz of quizzes.

So the important subjects [for ION] are working out perfect.

sooo sad that i'm already counting down til ION gives info online to sign up.
really sad.
cuz that's in JANUARYY. :[
i'm retardedd.

i'm feeling pretty low right now

i really miss a lotta people. esp ali, alycia, dang, and the rest of crypto. im missing my hall too. i miss roxy who'd comfort me and was my cty protegee. i miss steph and zoe and their antics. i miss me and zoe's weird explosions. we watched the safety video the other day, i was completely bittersweet. the next and last time i'll see it will be in school. in ap chem. i won't ever experience the cty safety video ever again. and i try to move on, but am constantly pulled back to cty. it frightens me. i never feel as comfortable with people as when i'm at cty. and i really miss that safety. where meeting everyone was a must, everyone was cool, and being overly nerdy was impossible. here i feel alienated. hated. unloved. banished. and unsure of myself. i don't feel confident in my own skin. i hate my identity when im here. i suppose it's my fault; i have my different personalities. like i'm a completely different person in different situations. most times in this stupid town, i'm an unsure girl who's smart but confused at how to articulate herself. outside of this town, i've established that i'm crazy, sometimes completely lacking common sense, and all around clear in my opinion. like i TOLD the cty administration what i thought was different about last year than my previous years. right off the bat. i didn't hide or act like i loved anything i didn't. and if i didn't like something, i argued my point. not in a bad way or overly defiant, just like someone who has a difference of opinion who should be heard.

i miss it. i miss being myself. i hate this. i absolutely hate not knowing who i am and who my real friends are. it's the worst feeling ever. i just want my friends. but i can't have them. they live too far. i just want to hug them. but i can't. and it absolutely sucks.