Perfect example is a girl who is very similar to me--I judged her through her facebook persona, never having met her in real life, but it ends up being that she is SUPER interesting & really reminds me of myself when I was in her shoes just one short year ago.
I judge EVERYONE. I judge people for different things. I think it gives me an idea of conversation topics, and ways to go about discussing things with them, but I really should not. I don't think I take into account that I am also being judged. I don't think I comprehend the view that I give to others of my personality, what they think of me from how I dress, act, and what I do.
When thinking about the lowest points of myself, and things I want to change -- it's this quality. I think I'm doing better on the whole, but there are times where I am judgemental & snippy when I should be open and accepting. Going to "Overflow" always teaches me lessons I would not have ever thought to examine.
When Steve told his (hilarious, but sad and moving) story about Gina and Joe, and what ill feelings or parts of us had died in our pasts, it took me back to January. I had judged my community. I had judged my school. I had deemed them unfit for me and not worthy of my love and my appreciation. I had deemed them lost causes, and I almost resented being here. I was LOST and my HOPE was deferred! My heart was so so very sick. I was in the worst place spiritually-- I was back to going through the motions, but not believing.
God has definitely resurrected my passion--this summer, putting dance in my path, placing my heart in Wyoming and giving me both a breather and a spiritual healer and a bout of rest, and time with community and friends back in Boston. Doing those things, staying active, and becoming myself again, I felt as though my desire and my drive were revitalized! God is good.
I feel like I am repurposed. I feel as though I live to serve: not just my community, my future, and my generation, but ANYONE and EVERYONE. I feel this sense of obligation to my fellow man, and I think I felt it when I came to campus last year, but I did not understand the nudge that God was giving me. I know now, and I am pursuing it. I think that I will never tire of saying how "LIfe of Pi" changed my life, but it really came to me when my mind was reopened.
The haunting thoughts of "WHY am I drawn to these people?" & the nervous questioning and obedience to my parents that "I won't hang out with the "Christians" anymore" all confused me. I had a spiritual identity crisis: and spiritual identity should not a crisis make. I know that now. I know that "All religions are true." & that I can rationalize and explain my love for my Christian community of brothers and sisters through my love for God: whether that be Hanuman, Ganesha, Murugan, or Jesus.
It may not be how YOU view it, but my spiritual life is what works for me, and how God wishes and wills me to view the world. I am at peace with the world nowadays, and I truly feel brought back to life. I feel like this is my second chance to make something of this opportunity I was given. To be a light on campus. To be a beacon to those lost and alone like I felt last semester. I really hope that USC Drishti takes off the way I think it could. I really hope that people reciprocate the dedication I have for my communities. I really hope that one day, Hindu Student Organization can be a family as dedicated and consecrated to God and the word that we meet more than 2 times a week out of the WANT in our hearts. Or Drishti would want to practice and bond as a team super-often. I hope people show their inner-zeal. I hope I get accepted to the things I want. I want them so badly. I hope that DESI Project is successful! I have not deferred my hope. My heart is beating strongly.
<33,
maithreyi