the dress

yes. I got my Final Fling dress.
No, it doesn't look like everyone else's.
It looks like a sundress.
It's white, cute, and has sparkly silver beading.
yes, it's me.
the others I tried on with my friends and yesterday weren't really me.
How ever much I convinced myself it was.
I wasn't comfy.
And now I know how I am comfy.
So, I don't have to worry.
Sure it needs a lot for it to look pretty.
Jewelry, a shrug (maybe), some glitzy heels.
But it's more me than anything else.
And I'll look trendy.
And I'll match the theme, somewhat.
and I got the message that it's EIGHTH GRADE.
There's years for me to be all dolled up.

yay, for being true to myself!
`maithreyi

Time for me to FLY.

Forget all I said before.
My life is ACTUALLY QUiTE AMAZiNG after all.
Today worked itself out from the beginning.
I'm quite happy.
NO. I'm ecstatic.

It started with me still a little down from yesterday.
I worked it out with Ms. O'Neill
and I can be in both activities after all.
So far, so good.

Then after brunch, I begged Mrs. Abati for the chance to audition for Vaudeville by singing.

She allowed me to.
I auditioned after lunch and I did so very well.
I am so happy.
( I sang "Time for me to Fly")
=]
I am so grateful to my teachers, friends, and lifestyle.
People care for me no matter how I feel.
It's a good feeling.

I love my life.
so much.
`maithreyi.

Lean On.

I had a great day today. A wonderful day. Really. (Hear the sarcasm drip like the massive amounts of rain, falling hard on a factual ground)

Okay, no.
Today was as great as the day I was left by my friends when they got together without me.

No, it was worse than that. I can live without loyal friends.

I can't live without music.
And now I have proof.


Today started with MCAS, the living torture of the easiest standardized testing on the planet.
Really.
I did really well but answered one of their open-responses on the wrong side of the answer packet and had to copy it all on to the RIGHT side and then do another whole open-response.
Yeah, happy joyeous morn!
Then, the day goes on, I laugh here and there, organize my locker cuz it's going to collapse into Mr. Adams' classroom if I didn't.
Then, I thought I'd feel great because Activity Block was coming.
I love music.
I love MAKING music.
even if I am not good at it,
I love it.

How wrong was I.
I completely lost it by then.
I wanted to play the flute.
I couldn't.
Vaudeville Band and Vaudeville Chorus weren't allowed to mix.
Except for two exceptions which aren't even fair.
Because of "Instrumentation."
The instrument which I play isn't good enough?
It better be, it cost enough.
Or is it the choice of instrument?
Because I can't do anything about my choice.
It's the one that fits me.
So because of these eloquent decisions by the music program,
I felt badly for myself for over 2 hours.
I broke down so many times.
I hated myself for it, but I really shouldn't.













This was SUPPOSED to be my time.
MY time.
Time for me to FLY! remember?
I'm leaving the school, so I wanted to leave my mark.
Not physically.
NO.
MENTALLY.
I wanted everyone to know that I excel
at MUSIC.
and everything else, but music because music is life.
And with one stupid " you can't" or "we can't do this now"
I end up feeling badly for the rest of the day.
GREAT.
I had plans for Vaudeville.
Sure, there's high school.
But there is SOMETHING to this being an end.
THE end
the end of an ERA in my life.
The "maithreyi climbed the ladder of success and found the summit where she belongs" time.
The "music rules my life" time.
The " great, my self-esteem is self-satisfied" time.
And how great is it that all of that build-up to this year, this time, where I should shine as brightly as the sun did glisten today, everything almost has died.
wonderful.
you can still be part of the chorus, maith.
you can still half-rule.
YOU can succeed at only part of what you have worked three years for.
yeah, it's all or nothing.
Though mostly all.
I need all.
it makes me whole.
I need to be part of both, sadly, to survive this next month.
if you're wise, there's still tomorrow.
there's still tomorrow.

The Calm After the Storm...

It's the calm after the storm now.
Things are settling. Life is going on though the world has to pick up the pieces of their lives.
Well, some people. Flooding got really bad in Peabody and in NH.
I think we might see sun for a while.
The glorious sun.
Shining brightly down on the world.
Shining in a way that shows why rainbows exist.
and why.
Without rain, there is no sun.
There is no glory.
This week of rain really made everyone appreciate the weather more.
Though they don't even realize it.
They don't even realize how much they miss the light.
They don't want to admit it.
They say it's too gloomy.
But I don't care.
I LOVE it.
I love it all.
I take it with life.
Life is unpredictable.
Life is the calm after the storm.
*maithreyi.

Rain...

Listen to the rhythm of a falling rain, telling me just what a fool I've been.

it's true. The rhythm of the rain is amazing. I don't know why, but even though you can't go outside in the rain, I love the rain. I have this obsession with the rain. I love walking in it. Especially if I KNOW i'll get drenched. I don't know. It's calming. And refreshing. Walking in the rain, that is.

It's been raining for about 6 days straight. It's flooding now, and creating a mess all over the state. Do I care? Of course NOT. I just love the calming nature of it. It speaks a song unheard by the newscasters and people whose basements have flooded. The song of spring.

Yeah, I'm crazy.

The rain tells me secrets I'm not sure I want to hear about myself.
That I am crazy. And many things. I've only managed to successfully walk in the rain alone once and that was a MONTH ago. It was amazing until some highschool-bighead yelled obscenities at me for being stupid. For walking in the rain.
I was going to scream back at him,
" WELL, I LIKE the rain."
I was taking a spring walk. I was walking down to the elementary school and hanging around. Swinging on the swings. Reminiscing. That kind of thing, and I was feeling good. Exhilarated. That guy made me question my motives. My motives for walking in the calm. For experiencing a good feeling. For being nostalgic. He turned that experience into a hard one until I remember the rain.
The sky hasn't rained this much in this town for a while, so I think it's a great break.
When we aren't on the roads, and are warm. Inside.

I love the rain.
`maithreyi

end of the beginning.

I've grown really nostalgic over the last couple weeks. I'm starting to get that this is it. The end of the beginning, the beginning of an end. People I've met are leaving forever, people I've loved are visiting the world. Well, not the world, but it feels like it. Life is changing. The part of schooling that counts is coming and I know I can handle it, but part of me doesn't want to. I want to stay a child, which is just wrong, but I want to. I think that it would be easier to take if I had gotten into a private school like Phillips (Andover). It comes to you more easily that life will change because you start BOARDING school. It's harder when you don't move to grasp that fact. The fact that life is changing. Changing, more or less, for the better. It's creepy, but you have to deal with it someday.
Vaudeville is coming up. I want to try out, but I don't know what song I should pick. I think I MIGHT do Time for me to Fly because it is catchy and easy to sing. Then I might need TAB and a guitarist, so I don't know. Part of me knows it's going to be what I do. I can't wait, even though Vaudeville is quite stupid as a whole, it's my class this year. I feel some attachment to these people. Especially those I won't be in class with ever again. I find that sad because it's like I would never get to know them anyway.
Final Fling is soon too. That is going to rock, but the theme is Club Burlington. Yeah, right. I've been to 3 Club CTY dances, and frankly, I don't see the obsession with nightclub themes. The only thing that would rock is if my group of friends got glowsticks and NO ONE else did. Which most likely will happen. I'm so glad I have such great friends. And now our circle has spread. I love them all. The cool nerds. =]

It's time for me to FLY!
`maithreyi