Lean On.

I had a great day today. A wonderful day. Really. (Hear the sarcasm drip like the massive amounts of rain, falling hard on a factual ground)

Okay, no.
Today was as great as the day I was left by my friends when they got together without me.

No, it was worse than that. I can live without loyal friends.

I can't live without music.
And now I have proof.


Today started with MCAS, the living torture of the easiest standardized testing on the planet.
Really.
I did really well but answered one of their open-responses on the wrong side of the answer packet and had to copy it all on to the RIGHT side and then do another whole open-response.
Yeah, happy joyeous morn!
Then, the day goes on, I laugh here and there, organize my locker cuz it's going to collapse into Mr. Adams' classroom if I didn't.
Then, I thought I'd feel great because Activity Block was coming.
I love music.
I love MAKING music.
even if I am not good at it,
I love it.

How wrong was I.
I completely lost it by then.
I wanted to play the flute.
I couldn't.
Vaudeville Band and Vaudeville Chorus weren't allowed to mix.
Except for two exceptions which aren't even fair.
Because of "Instrumentation."
The instrument which I play isn't good enough?
It better be, it cost enough.
Or is it the choice of instrument?
Because I can't do anything about my choice.
It's the one that fits me.
So because of these eloquent decisions by the music program,
I felt badly for myself for over 2 hours.
I broke down so many times.
I hated myself for it, but I really shouldn't.













This was SUPPOSED to be my time.
MY time.
Time for me to FLY! remember?
I'm leaving the school, so I wanted to leave my mark.
Not physically.
NO.
MENTALLY.
I wanted everyone to know that I excel
at MUSIC.
and everything else, but music because music is life.
And with one stupid " you can't" or "we can't do this now"
I end up feeling badly for the rest of the day.
GREAT.
I had plans for Vaudeville.
Sure, there's high school.
But there is SOMETHING to this being an end.
THE end
the end of an ERA in my life.
The "maithreyi climbed the ladder of success and found the summit where she belongs" time.
The "music rules my life" time.
The " great, my self-esteem is self-satisfied" time.
And how great is it that all of that build-up to this year, this time, where I should shine as brightly as the sun did glisten today, everything almost has died.
wonderful.
you can still be part of the chorus, maith.
you can still half-rule.
YOU can succeed at only part of what you have worked three years for.
yeah, it's all or nothing.
Though mostly all.
I need all.
it makes me whole.
I need to be part of both, sadly, to survive this next month.
if you're wise, there's still tomorrow.
there's still tomorrow.