to dance or not to dance?

So.
I am really emotional right now.


This summer, I really wanted to kick back, no plans, do whatever in India, soul-search.
Figure out if what i've wanted for so long is indeed what i still want.
and if not, fix it.

and now, i'm being offered this opportunity that i probably never will be able to take again, if i want what i want as i wanted in the past.
dancing in a dance drama. not just dancing it alone, but with my guru (and others). something i had longed to do and regretted not doing for years and years.

if i take dance and india as mutually exclusive--neither can happen WITH the other--which do i choose?

india has been a long time coming as my mom and brother have gone in the last year, but I haven't. everyone misses me and hates me for not going last year. and if i prolong that, they'll just end up forgetting me or thinking i'll never come.

but dance has been a long time coming too! this is the first year i have NO plans that can interfere, yet. nothing holding me back from leaping in. except of course mom and dad's gripes about india. mom today brought up two points: how can i let dance dictate when I can go to india? and it will be raining if i go in july.
SO WHAT? it nearly ALWAYSSSS is rainy when i make it to india.
yes, my break is early enough that i can go through june, in theory. but what for if i am missing something that i will regret missing.

I always will beat myself up about missing Dancing: Nature's Art. and not being around this year and learning Savitri. and not taking advantage of my location and learning all the dance that i could have in all my years in burlington. So why not amend that? Why not do something that I will have to show for? Why not have some goals? It could cure me of this purposelesness I have felt in the past. It can cure me of all that pain of not getting a dance group here and that loneliness of losing something that once gave me such a feeling of accomplishment. i feel like i don't know myself anymore because as soon as my arangetram was over and a long time after, i could define myself as a dancer, and in a few short months, i lost that CONNECTION. i really want to reconnect with it. and having such goals and a due date and a reason to dance over and over and over would just improve me. revitalize me. make me go to india skinny! [if they both could occur, that is.]

right now, i guess, things are up to me.

we'll see which way this cookie crumbles.
-maithreyi