Reflective!

I’m sitting at the spot I called ,eloquently, “2tree” last year. (The second tree on the grassy knoll from proximity to Marks Hall.) I came here because I am stressed. I am super worried about my midterm on Friday. I know I will do everything in my power, but it’s just frustrating because circumstances, more than my will, have kept me from studying. I have wanted nothing more than the chance to just study and do problems for hours at a time—I know that that will prepare me completely for this task on Friday.
I realized that I am either a brilliant actress or the WORST actress because I can’t hide my emotions. I wear them on my face. Walking into APASS today to just give back my leftover cutlery and plasticware and pick up my paycheck, I didn’t THINK I looked stressed, but apparently, I did.

Once it was pointed out, I realized that stress was that feeling in my stomach like I was going to throw up. Stress was that flutter that wouldn’t dissipate. Stress was that feeling that this was all too much. Unsustainable. Stress was the panic and fear that set in as jade told me I would moderate the panel yesterday. The adrenaline and the thought “WHEN would I finish studying? WHEN would the universe allow for THAT to happen?!”

This is why I’m reflecting right now. I need to collect my thoughts. I need to get my problem sets done and come up with ideas for my BME project, and finish my presentation for my theater project about Bharatanatyam, but not at the expense of my sanity. I need to work within the framework of my brain instead of fight against it.

i need to work on the strength that are these emotions that I convey all too well, instead of dwelling on the negative. I need to CHILL OUT, but AFTER this midterm! :]

<3,
Maithreyi

gratias tibi ago, USC.

today.

I happened to ponder of the good ol' days.

the days filled with wants, needs, and desires that could NOT be met in high school.

the days filled with a yearning for MORE.

a yearning for a school where I could make that MORE a reality.

a yearning filled by the passionate words of MIT undergrads in their Admissions' blogs.

as I saw that the students who had inspired me had no longer a spot on the site, I realized my age. My status as a SOPHOMORE in COLLEGE. And that I have come three years since the days that I would pray and hope and dream and wish for that school. that experience. that life.

I'm happy God provided me with a first-class education that I hadn't necessarily hand-picked.

I'm happy that the UNIVERSE made USC happen for me.

I'm happy that I am at a school that values all the parts of itself: humanities, diversity, sciences, arts, engineering, education, etc. EVERY idea in the world is represented, every COUNTRY is represented, every FACET of society is represented. I love this school beyond a shadow of a doubt, and realizing that I am no longer the pining heart of a trying highschooler, but I am forevermore a Trojan.

sedes ubi fata quieta ostendunt; illic fas regna resurgere Troiae

"Here are provided seats of meditative joy, where shall rise again the destined reign of Troy."

I LOVE my school, and I think that crying over how much I have grown is a testament that I haven't even noticed how much I have taken on this Trojan identity. While we may not have the most recognized class rings in the country, and while we might not be automatically assumed as the best engineers, and while we may not have the Logarhythms, we ARE SC, we WILL fight on, and the Trojan Family is super strong. Viterbi is in the top ten engineering schools along with marshall school of business and the school of cinematic arts. We excel at athletics, academics, and have involvement in the community and our school. We are the future as we are well-rounded in thought, action, and execution. We are prepared for ANY circumstance and for all the bureaucracy of our world since we have a great deal of it in our own institution. We are a force to be reckoned with. We will rise. Our Troy will become a Rome. And I'm so so so grateful that I came here.