Reflective!

I’m sitting at the spot I called ,eloquently, “2tree” last year. (The second tree on the grassy knoll from proximity to Marks Hall.) I came here because I am stressed. I am super worried about my midterm on Friday. I know I will do everything in my power, but it’s just frustrating because circumstances, more than my will, have kept me from studying. I have wanted nothing more than the chance to just study and do problems for hours at a time—I know that that will prepare me completely for this task on Friday.
I realized that I am either a brilliant actress or the WORST actress because I can’t hide my emotions. I wear them on my face. Walking into APASS today to just give back my leftover cutlery and plasticware and pick up my paycheck, I didn’t THINK I looked stressed, but apparently, I did.

Once it was pointed out, I realized that stress was that feeling in my stomach like I was going to throw up. Stress was that flutter that wouldn’t dissipate. Stress was that feeling that this was all too much. Unsustainable. Stress was the panic and fear that set in as jade told me I would moderate the panel yesterday. The adrenaline and the thought “WHEN would I finish studying? WHEN would the universe allow for THAT to happen?!”

This is why I’m reflecting right now. I need to collect my thoughts. I need to get my problem sets done and come up with ideas for my BME project, and finish my presentation for my theater project about Bharatanatyam, but not at the expense of my sanity. I need to work within the framework of my brain instead of fight against it.

i need to work on the strength that are these emotions that I convey all too well, instead of dwelling on the negative. I need to CHILL OUT, but AFTER this midterm! :]

<3,
Maithreyi