hahaha. so see that post below about how worried i was? i worried for absolutely nothingg! my english grade was an A. and i got an A+ in math and vb! and history was a solid A, along with everything else! no A-s! yay! so excited right noww :) and i'm getting nhs! w00t! w00t! sooooo psyched :] and i'm actually emotionally happy too.
so what if only neha and kay*(LOL) are the only people i'm my crazy realll self around? they're all i need. three musketeers: curly, mo, and shmoe <33 foreverr! i'm so happy right now. dance is going so well too! temple day dance went extremely well! kausalya auntie praised me! i'm so happy about many facets in my life. i need to work a little harder in school, but besides that i'm a happy soul. guitar is wicked fun as well. i'm getting so close to SONGS, i can almost taste it. Today's college forum was good. I talked to the MIT EC for this area about my neuroscience dreams. he was supportive, even saying that this decade is the decade of neuroscience :) i can't wait to get into the field. i hopeeee that i figure out a worthwhile way to spend my summer so i can achieve it.
:) :) :)
the archived blog that I kept from 2006-2012. the current blog is live at reyidiance (2012-the present) you can also find a pdf version of this blog from gum road here: gumroad.com/raysofsunshine
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
FH is over. 1 quarter down, 3 more to go.
I've barely made it out alive.
VB ---absolutely no idea.
Gym--Honors? wha?
Lit--HOPEFULLYYYYY A-. first and last time i will ever say that.
Algebra--A+ woohoo! :)
Latin--94! yay! even with all those 80s!
history- boo. i don't care. i can't pretend to not be apathetic. actually, i can. one...two...all gone. this man cannot teach. i cannot pretend to learn anything from him much longer.
chemistry--as of now, 94. as of tomorrow, i hope it stays that way.
so, remember that post about a two months ago about how i hate myself in burlington?
well, not much has changed. i'm trying so hard to be my crazy self. but i'm just a big stuttering, inarticulate mess.
and that too, i'm only this when around neha, aakansh, zill, krina, and brinda.
oh well, you gotta start somewhere.
i just realllllllllly miss dang, ali, alycia, zoe, etc. and every time we bostonians try for a reunion, we mess up.
i reallllllly need one. i'm dying. my spirit has flown. literally. i feel like the corpse of my former self. i feel as though i am stuck like this thing people know me as and i have no way of ever getting myself out. which makes me fall deeper.
especially with the humanities this year. i have no idea what it is, but my skill level has dropped. exponentially. from this year and last in history. well, i have a very good idea why. costa, no matter what he is outside of the classroom, cannot teach ME history. maybe his manic methods work for someone. they do NOT work for me. i'm suffering. i'm like one of those birds you see at the side of the road, wing broken, waddling upward, and then kerplank, boom-down. dead.
casey is just an enigmatic, fool of a fear mongering teacher. he tries to throw our minds for a loop every time he talks. but the thing is, most of what he tells us is fact. so it does instill fear. fear to speak up. at least in me. he seems as though he wants obedience and discipline in his students while discussing in a nonchalant way. i don't like it. he makes me feel like i am being x-rayed. maybe it's those constant scans. i liked him as a teacher until he told us about that court case. i really did not need to hear that. :[
i hope the end of field hockey shows an upshoot in my grades and dance performance level. i know i can do even better than i did at vijayadeshmi if i try and practice harder.
i'm pretty excited to rejoin and participate in the clubs i'm part of.
stupid first term.
better get high honors.
i'm going to KILL for it.
:[
VB ---absolutely no idea.
Gym--Honors? wha?
Lit--HOPEFULLYYYYY A-. first and last time i will ever say that.
Algebra--A+ woohoo! :)
Latin--94! yay! even with all those 80s!
history- boo. i don't care. i can't pretend to not be apathetic. actually, i can. one...two...all gone. this man cannot teach. i cannot pretend to learn anything from him much longer.
chemistry--as of now, 94. as of tomorrow, i hope it stays that way.
so, remember that post about a two months ago about how i hate myself in burlington?
well, not much has changed. i'm trying so hard to be my crazy self. but i'm just a big stuttering, inarticulate mess.
and that too, i'm only this when around neha, aakansh, zill, krina, and brinda.
oh well, you gotta start somewhere.
i just realllllllllly miss dang, ali, alycia, zoe, etc. and every time we bostonians try for a reunion, we mess up.
i reallllllly need one. i'm dying. my spirit has flown. literally. i feel like the corpse of my former self. i feel as though i am stuck like this thing people know me as and i have no way of ever getting myself out. which makes me fall deeper.
especially with the humanities this year. i have no idea what it is, but my skill level has dropped. exponentially. from this year and last in history. well, i have a very good idea why. costa, no matter what he is outside of the classroom, cannot teach ME history. maybe his manic methods work for someone. they do NOT work for me. i'm suffering. i'm like one of those birds you see at the side of the road, wing broken, waddling upward, and then kerplank, boom-down. dead.
casey is just an enigmatic, fool of a fear mongering teacher. he tries to throw our minds for a loop every time he talks. but the thing is, most of what he tells us is fact. so it does instill fear. fear to speak up. at least in me. he seems as though he wants obedience and discipline in his students while discussing in a nonchalant way. i don't like it. he makes me feel like i am being x-rayed. maybe it's those constant scans. i liked him as a teacher until he told us about that court case. i really did not need to hear that. :[
i hope the end of field hockey shows an upshoot in my grades and dance performance level. i know i can do even better than i did at vijayadeshmi if i try and practice harder.
i'm pretty excited to rejoin and participate in the clubs i'm part of.
stupid first term.
better get high honors.
i'm going to KILL for it.
:[
FH is over. 1 quarter down, 3 more to go.
I've barely made it out alive.
VB ---absolutely no idea.
Gym--Honors? wha?
Lit--HOPEFULLYYYYY A-. first and last time i will ever say that.
Algebra--A+ woohoo! :)
Latin--94! yay! even with all those 80s!
history- boo. i don't care. i can't pretend to not be apathetic. actually, i can. one...two...all gone. this man cannot teach. i cannot pretend to learn anything from him much longer.
chemistry--as of now, 94. as of tomorrow, i hope it stays that way.
so, remember that post about a two months ago about how i hate myself in burlington?
well, not much has changed. i'm trying so hard to be my crazy self. but i'm just a big stuttering, inarticulate mess.
and that too, i'm only this when around neha, aakansh, zill, krina, and brinda.
oh well, you gotta start somewhere.
i just realllllllllly miss dang, ali, alycia, zoe, etc. and every time we bostonians try for a reunion, we mess up.
i reallllllly need one. i'm dying. my spirit has flown. literally. i feel like the corpse of my former self. i feel as though i am stuck like this thing people know me as and i have no way of ever getting myself out. which makes me fall deeper.
especially with the humanities this year. i have no idea what it is, but my skill level has dropped. exponentially. from this year and last in history. well, i have a very good idea why. costa, no matter what he is outside of the classroom, cannot teach ME history. maybe his manic methods work for someone. they do NOT work for me. i'm suffering. i'm like one of those birds you see at the side of the road, wing broken, waddling upward, and then kerplank, boom-down. dead.
casey is just an enigmatic, fool of a fear mongering teacher. he tries to throw our minds for a loop every time he talks. but the thing is, most of what he tells us is fact. so it does instill fear. fear to speak up. at least in me. he seems as though he wants obedience and discipline in his students while discussing in a nonchalant way. i don't like it. he makes me feel like i am being x-rayed. maybe it's those constant scans. i liked him as a teacher until he told us about that court case. i really did not need to hear that. :[
i hope the end of field hockey shows an upshoot in my grades and dance performance level. i know i can do even better than i did at vijayadeshmi if i try and practice harder.
i'm pretty excited to rejoin and participate in the clubs i'm part of.
stupid first term.
better get high honors.
i'm going to KILL for it.
VB ---absolutely no idea.
Gym--Honors? wha?
Lit--HOPEFULLYYYYY A-. first and last time i will ever say that.
Algebra--A+ woohoo! :)
Latin--94! yay! even with all those 80s!
history- boo. i don't care. i can't pretend to not be apathetic. actually, i can. one...two...all gone. this man cannot teach. i cannot pretend to learn anything from him much longer.
chemistry--as of now, 94. as of tomorrow, i hope it stays that way.
so, remember that post about a two months ago about how i hate myself in burlington?
well, not much has changed. i'm trying so hard to be my crazy self. but i'm just a big stuttering, inarticulate mess.
and that too, i'm only this when around neha, aakansh, zill, krina, and brinda.
oh well, you gotta start somewhere.
i just realllllllllly miss dang, ali, alycia, zoe, etc. and every time we bostonians try for a reunion, we mess up.
i reallllllly need one. i'm dying. my spirit has flown. literally. i feel like the corpse of my former self. i feel as though i am stuck like this thing people know me as and i have no way of ever getting myself out. which makes me fall deeper.
especially with the humanities this year. i have no idea what it is, but my skill level has dropped. exponentially. from this year and last in history. well, i have a very good idea why. costa, no matter what he is outside of the classroom, cannot teach ME history. maybe his manic methods work for someone. they do NOT work for me. i'm suffering. i'm like one of those birds you see at the side of the road, wing broken, waddling upward, and then kerplank, boom-down. dead.
casey is just an enigmatic, fool of a fear mongering teacher. he tries to throw our minds for a loop every time he talks. but the thing is, most of what he tells us is fact. so it does instill fear. fear to speak up. at least in me. he seems as though he wants obedience and discipline in his students while discussing in a nonchalant way. i don't like it. he makes me feel like i am being x-rayed. maybe it's those constant scans. i liked him as a teacher until he told us about that court case. i really did not need to hear that. :[
i hope the end of field hockey shows an upshoot in my grades and dance performance level. i know i can do even better than i did at vijayadeshmi if i try and practice harder.
i'm pretty excited to rejoin and participate in the clubs i'm part of.
stupid first term.
better get high honors.
i'm going to KILL for it.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I'm getting back into the rhythm of things. My average in math is a 97 or 98, and chem is 97, and history is like vuteverr, english is a ninety somethingg. [i hate his quizzess] vb is AHH i don't know. latin is a ninety something too cuz of quizzes.
So the important subjects [for ION] are working out perfect.
sooo sad that i'm already counting down til ION gives info online to sign up.
really sad.
cuz that's in JANUARYY. :[
i'm retardedd.
So the important subjects [for ION] are working out perfect.
sooo sad that i'm already counting down til ION gives info online to sign up.
really sad.
cuz that's in JANUARYY. :[
i'm retardedd.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
i'm feeling pretty low right now
i really miss a lotta people. esp ali, alycia, dang, and the rest of crypto. im missing my hall too. i miss roxy who'd comfort me and was my cty protegee. i miss steph and zoe and their antics. i miss me and zoe's weird explosions. we watched the safety video the other day, i was completely bittersweet. the next and last time i'll see it will be in school. in ap chem. i won't ever experience the cty safety video ever again. and i try to move on, but am constantly pulled back to cty. it frightens me. i never feel as comfortable with people as when i'm at cty. and i really miss that safety. where meeting everyone was a must, everyone was cool, and being overly nerdy was impossible. here i feel alienated. hated. unloved. banished. and unsure of myself. i don't feel confident in my own skin. i hate my identity when im here. i suppose it's my fault; i have my different personalities. like i'm a completely different person in different situations. most times in this stupid town, i'm an unsure girl who's smart but confused at how to articulate herself. outside of this town, i've established that i'm crazy, sometimes completely lacking common sense, and all around clear in my opinion. like i TOLD the cty administration what i thought was different about last year than my previous years. right off the bat. i didn't hide or act like i loved anything i didn't. and if i didn't like something, i argued my point. not in a bad way or overly defiant, just like someone who has a difference of opinion who should be heard.
i miss it. i miss being myself. i hate this. i absolutely hate not knowing who i am and who my real friends are. it's the worst feeling ever. i just want my friends. but i can't have them. they live too far. i just want to hug them. but i can't. and it absolutely sucks.
i miss it. i miss being myself. i hate this. i absolutely hate not knowing who i am and who my real friends are. it's the worst feeling ever. i just want my friends. but i can't have them. they live too far. i just want to hug them. but i can't. and it absolutely sucks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)