rants.

i'm the head of my song.
"do you believe in magic"
classic cover, i know, but it is a good song.
and it's catchy.
and i can sing it well.
i'm basically carrying the song, which i am glad about.
then there's my friend who came back from a extended vaca in okalakamukmuk.
i'm so glad. but so scared.
everyone is basically paired off, or planning on it in the next few weeks.
i'm completely and irrevocably single.
but my friend who just got back has a plan.
that in itself scares me, but the fact that this plan involves me and other people makes me altogether terrified.
what to do?
wait. she won't even tell me who this involves.

yeah, frightening.

then there's our play that debuts on friday and is done by end of saturday.
it is the funniest play i've ever been in.
(shh. it's the only play i've ever been in.)
there's pop guns, 2nd graders, and a dead canary.
what's not to love?

my friend who lives in florida is coming up tomorrow to visit cuz she's a b-towner at heart.
i love her and my friends SO much.
i can't think of living anywhere else but here. except for cty.
and college.
which i STILL need to figure out.

what the hell am i going to DO with my life?
what is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?
i know it isn't 42.

and the question of life, the universe and everything hasn't even been thought of yet...
sigh.
what are you going to do.
what do you want to be.
what are you.
who are you.
these are things i SHOULD know.
but i don't.
not really.
vaugely, yes. but fully to the extent i need to, NO.
what am i, really?
am i meant to be a writer?
do i have the temperment?
could i ever write something anyone would read?
i'm not talking little known book that people in my hometown buy cuz i wrote.
i'm talking dan brown's da vinci code. i'm talking angels and demons, harry potter, absalom, absalom, rise of rebellion.stuff people need to read to live. people need to read.
people WANT to read. and share and enjoy.
but i don't know WHY i want this.
i want the pride, duh.
i want the accolades.
i want to be a writer.
but WHY?
how is a writer preferable to eating?
that is my question for the next years of my high school life.
and where the hell does PE fit into this?
i will never know.
and i know somewhere in this life i AM going to end up using musical theater in business.
that is absolute.
i know music will prevail the storms of hardships.
but i need to know if writing can.
cuz that is all i've ever wanted to be.
a WRiTER.
-maithreyi shankar. the writer.