I SUCK @ LIFE! OH YEAHH

so, i suck at life.
yeah.

arangetram charity thing? probably maybe NO GO. YES GO ! YAY the following occurred before this revelation!
cuz i am an idiot.
who believes toooo much in the whole " let's all hold hands and with the power vested in us, we will magically save the world using the conductive nature of ..." exactly.
no sense.
nonsense.
ridiculous.
but i REALLY thought by offering up any monetary things i gained from my arangetram, I would somehow impact lives and save SOMETHING other than a bath and body works collection or some cool new UNNECESSARY gadget that looks really sleek and new. i was trying to come in with some perspective i've gained since my last soiree. which was probably too long ago.
and back then, i shunned presents. so that takes us back to the stone age. where presents of the monetary nature went to my mommy and daddy's funds. where i would later get a pretty pink toy or something of that nature.

dork.

stupid noncharitable dork.

i wish i knew better back then.

and i wishi wasn't stubborn now. but apparently wishing on a falling star doesn't make things happen. who'd have thought.

and yeah. i sorta kinda wish i knew what was happening with this charity thing a while ago. cuz i was actually kinda psyched for helping something in the world go better that some of my excitement, though it's still there, has disapated. because not only is my family paying through their noses to let me perform this culmination of my years of dancing studies, but unfortunate MORE unfortunate people won't even (maybe) get a dime. which sucks for them. and sucks for me. when i want to be worldly and care. and join amnesty international. and doctors without borders. i think sometimes having people i look up to help people makes me wish i would help people just to be a little like them. and a little more kindhearted. cuz i do care. but only about a select few in this world. and i wish it were more. i wish i cared about each of the 6 billion on the planet. because maybe then there wouldn't be an economy to watch the downfall of. maybe then we wouldn't have to deal with wars. everyone would care about everyone else. i wish we all had hearts of gold. because then, a fifteen year old girl who wished she cared even more, and wantsed? to give some money collectively from a buncha people to make a point and show that a group who cares is so much more powerful than one single soul, maybe then she would be supported by those who love her. and supported in the sense that they contribute. and help. and ask how to do more.

i know it's impossible to ask that.
even i feel like i don't have time for others.
i don't even have a lunch table with PEOPLE, for crying out loud.
i sit and eat in utter silence of a book (dan brown this week :])
but when it comes to people coming together to do something for others,
i reallllly care.
but i have no money.
and the idea that we pool resources. a dollar here and there and can make something great from it reallllly makes me warm fuzzy and glow and happy from the inside out.

i mean, the latin club can manage to scrounge up $350 for a H2O buffalo and some rabbits in a bad year where donations are slim and people don't care. that money went to heifer.
it was donated.

now it's your turn to help. the school has, where's your contribution?

i want to help.
i participated in the "Fast" portion of "Darfur Fast" .
The only reason i couldn't do the "Darfur" part was because both of my parents wouldn't let me use their credit card info to donate like $10 dollars. not cuz they don't care. they're busy people! they have lives ! and jobs! and children who still require food and care, etc.
i don't blame them.
the only reason i have no money for alms is cuz i don't make it myself.

again, the collaborating sounds realllly good here.

i suppose i should just suck it up. get a job. work some parttime, dance, academically educate myself, play music, and sleep. but that sounds like not only work but timeeee gone.
and i doubt i'll have any useful money by the end of it.
i probably WILL do that in the summer when i have some time though.
and i will donate some.
because try as you might, you will never feel better than when you help another person.
either on a math problem during alg 2.
or halfway around the world in a country being terrorized by their neighbor.

groups of people can do extraordinary things.

i want to make an amnesty international club.
i reallly want to .
i think it's different than model un.
it may appeal to more people. different people.
and i think it MAY get somewhere.

i want to see what it will do.
i want to make a difference NOW.

and though i live in a world where not only am i YOUNGEST in my family
but i have to deal with a culture where respect and the elders are law
and i want to follow the rules but i simply can't be quiet. i need to be
heard. i hate hearing that because i'm young, my voice doesn't count.esp cuz i LIVE in a country where all you hear is "YOUR VOICE COUNTS!!!1!". I have an opinion on everything. and sometimes it's "WRONG" because an elder thinks so.


i want them to think i'm right. just once.
give me a break!

i want to have my cake (charity) and eat it too ( give it all away as a group!)

not a hard concept.
i wish.

ARANGETRAM JITTERS !

HELP A FRIEND <3 http://www.zinch.com/Anonymous/ViewMatchUp.aspx?u1=21959&u2=128920 GO . HELP . NOWWWWW ! she's an amazing, awesome writer and a nerd :)



ARANGETRAM! :)

so, my arangetram is coming up.
invites are going out as soon as i get my photo shoot and someone to format/print them correctly. (translation, in maybe 3 weeks. maybe)
and the "hall"(auditorium in reg speek) has been booked since like december.
and now i have the rehearsal/set up time.
and a lighting walkthrough.
and i'm just going AHAHAHAHHAAHA.
and my knees hurt.
a lot.
and auntie probably thinks i am a lazy bum who bites off wayyy more than she can chew. (JK :])
but varnam is going greatttt!
i actuallly love the song. and i haven't even heard the recorded version, so it's not cuz of the singing or anything. i actually like what it stands for ! yay!

so there's mcas tomorrow.
and i don't care, but hey. it's something new and interesting, right? !

and my new recent love is PhD (Piled higher and Deeper) comic about grad school :D
so funnyyyyyy.

HELP A FRIEND

HELP A FRIEND <3

My friend, Kathleen Hong, is in the running for a $20,000 scholarship. The winner will be determined by popular online voting. The competition is currently in Round 2, and it would be greatly appreciated if you could help her move onto the next round. She's the one on the right, with her hand in the flame, chugging coffee out of a coffee pot:http://www.zinch.com/Anonymous/ViewMatchUp.aspx?u1=21959&u2=128920


GO . HELP . NOWWWWW !

she's an amazing, awesome writer and a nerd.

boreddd

boreddd

(note to self, learn how to use ctrl+B without injury to dignity.)

so there has been nothing to report.
my death cold continues with some improvement due to the enormous injestion of about 4 cups of orange tea.

and ice cream, latte flavored.

and cocoa trio with whipped creame and chocolate on top. but the hot choco kind.

yesterday was a nice day with the fam.

i did all i was supposed to. enjoyed some loungey time.
and we had a nice dinner at the ginger pad. [chow fun noodle bowl, ftwwww <3]

and then we headed to my faveee book /everything store, BORDERSSS.

i'm getting an anatomy and physiology COLORING BOOK and the human brain COLORING BOOK that we used in drew's classss ;)

i'm actually quite excitedddd :d
studying over the summer can be quite entertainingg :D

then i indulged in my scandaly side by reading some trashy magazines (we all have our moments of defeat) and some gossip girl. i think what intrigues me about this series is how nonchalant all the adults are about their children/teens lives. they all drink. and party. and have sex, but their parents only care if it makes them look bad.

in all the other books, like even ONE of those events is like the twist in the story that changes the character's life from that of free to that of freedomless.

i guess that's life of the UES. (barf) who calls their part of town by initials?
so would i be in the FH?
ridiculoussss.
but still, intriguing...

then we came home and saw an ep of house about this reputable OLD doctor who got sick fast and just wanted to die.
house wanted to make sure he was terminal. and they have to trick him to do more tests on his comatose body.

it was actually really graphic in this ep. they did everything.

but in the end, the old doctor dude=terminal. and house pulled a kervorkian.
ahh. we win some, we lose some.

it was touching. but really graphic.

there's another ep i recorded. i wanna watch it, but it would be wayyyy tooo loud.
:)

so today's guitar.
and chilling. and dancing. i was SUPPOSED to dance at 8. but my mommy wouldn't want to wake up. and my daddy and brother are FAST asleep. so i don't wanna wake them. esp since we're getting along swimmingly.

:D

and i'm getting sick of this layout.
new one coming soon. maybe it'll even have all the stuff done out by someone else?
we'll see.

ADIMASTER!

hey world !
I was just thinking about brawl and considering writing a post about it
but then i realized that my brother, aditya aka adimaster is pretttty adept at video games
and has a blog about them!
so checkkkkkk it out, he's pretty good!
adimaster.blogspot.com < goooo nowwwww ;)

oh my

oh my

i love life, but i'm soooo tired right now.

i'm on the new ish vaio and it's sick-- but i'm afraid that vista means it's gonna crashhh boom.
:[

so afraid that i went and got a job application to dunks.
and i'm working on an application to coldstone.
and panera.
and vertex pharmaceuticals!
:D

and i'm gonna save up my moneys for an apple macbook !
i'm soooo excited.
and i'm practicing dance for like 3 to 4 hours :)

i love it.
-maithreyi

post. about life. yes. a post about life.

post. about life. yes. a post about life.
[edited for readabilityy. by reyi]
i've been doing some deep thinking lately. not about my interpersonal relations, though i pretty much am always thinking about how i relate to others. (mostly how i DON'T relate to others.) but i don't know how to sound out what i'm thinking. i'm just thinking that i'm really different. my mommy tells me that everyone in our family knows that i'm different and told me that all my family would be hurt if i ever thought of myself as anything less than amazing, beautiful, spectacular. but like that famous quote: it's my greatest fear that i am less than amazing, beautiful, etc. it's my greatest fear: inadequacy. i mean, most of the time i know my own greatness. i bask in it. i love it. i embrace the inner amazing. but sometimes, just like everyone, i get my human moments. my moments of complete and utter failures. failure to be human for one. failure to be openminded. failure to ask for help. failure to admit failure. i can list for days. and in these moments of failure, i do a few things. i either think it through and know beforehand. and avoid being stupid. [on my mondoamazing days] i yell, screeeeech, sound a lot like a living banshee, make hell for those around me and for myself, and cry. yes, cry. like a four year old. and this happens more often than you would think [ although in this last year from like august on, it hasn't happened nearly as often as from 5-9 grades]. i have such a stoic core that no one thinks i'm destructible. except me. verrrry ironic. but one of my FAVORITE ways to deal with this crazyyyy emotion? painting! drawing! unleashing my graphic soul!
i think i was dealing with a lotta stress yesterday about dance, my plaguelike cough, and just life catching up to me. so i drew about 50 "dope scene" logos. AFTER i already edited up the one that's posted. yep. i loveee my site too ridiculously much. more than i actually write in it. meh.

so that above thing that looks like a paragraph didn't really say anything. but it said a lot.

anyways--- i've been getting that major inadequacy feeling lately.
{note to reader: the following may sound a bit emo. don't worry, maithreyi does not need help. she already figured that out.}


i feel like i have no friends.

i know right? get out your tiny violins! everyone feels like that in high school!
but it's just a crappy feeling to have.
i mean, it's worse when you know that you have the "forever" people who will ALWAYS be there. but you just can't seem to figure out those truly "highschool!" friends.
therein lies my problem.

i have my forever!
i just don't have the in-betweens.
and it isn't as easy as going to a different lunch table. cuz newsflash: i did that LAST year. and ahem, it didn't go too hot.

and twilight (although it's an amazinggggg book series by stephenie meyer that every girl (or guy) should readddd!) didn't help anything. cuz now all i want is edward [or jacob. when it comes to creature men like them, i'm not picky] to come to bhs and sit down and at least be my friend. which is beyond unrealistic.

so now i'm still feeling pretty emotionally distressed.
and i don't even have BRAWL (super smash bros. wii game. most anticipated game of 2008 to date. and lives up to it with amazingggggg graphics. like zomg. i'm fangirlinggg!) to take my mind off of things cuz my daddy {though i love him. NOT. lolz =P jay kay.} banned me cuz i was a teensy weensy too involved with it the other day and almost did kick my brother. by accident! cuz i was too emotionally involved! which is why i should have friends! so that this wouldn't happen! :D

so i'm pretty bummed.
at least i have phases! (an amazing twilight podcasttt. which is almost as funny as mugglecast/pottercast. but with WAY better music choicess)


oh and to the subject of my illness.
it started with a knife in my throat--> temperature (though i think all the people in my house are just like jacob and run on 108 degreess. cuz i have no idea whether i have a temperature.) --> cough--> congestion --> more cough --> dry throat--> almost not being able to talk/ talking nasally/ i hate my voice---> sing like a man/ tonedeaf.
or in graphics?

:D --> :)--> : / --> :| --> (:[ --> :[ --> :( ---> >:|


basically ---> life sucks, and then you die!

oh but in other news?

NIH application = 80% completed. if i think of myself as about 60%, cwood's recc as 20% and drew as 20%, i'm just one drew recc away from doneeeeeeeeee!
and i think i have major potential with that. i don't know how feasible nih ninds is living wise, but on paper it's the best opportunity to come my way.
and i have a serious chance!


i WANTED to write more. but i feel like i have to constantly restrict myself. cuz more people read this. but then again, i feel like they read to know but don't use it against me so i SHOULD type out at least 30% of my soul. maybe. :/
i'm also wayyy too tired and zonked. and like high on lack of sleep and the fact that my throat and nose and ear problem will NOT go away. maybe i should get shelly to help me. there's an idea! LOL

i'm done right nowww.
like done with life.
i'm gonna go drink more coke (probably not the best plan. but tastiest. at least in the house. cuz we don't have pepsi right now. even though i was like raised on pepsi. my brother wanted to feed me pepsi like the minute i was outta my mommy's tummy. which probably explains a lotttt! [only it doesn't cuz that didn't happen. or did it? DUN DUN DUHHHHN!] at least it's not diet. cuz diet has aspartate(?) or something else SHTUPID [brit way] in it that causes growth to malfunction or something so you die. i should probably know the actual scientific reason to this because i strive to be a major in something biologically related. but i really just don't care right now. ) OH MY that parenthetical was LONGGGG.

!

buh byeeeee <33!
-maithreyi