more of the same...and something different.

so it's march. and not only am i slacking, but i'm slacking to point where my average in a class is a b-, and i have two failing grades in the class, and i have to remake a makeup test. and my mom hates the teacher. and i hate the teacher. and just about everyone i know hates this teacher. 6 guesses who! : ) 

but that aside...

everything just got insurmountably more difficult. and i have sat's coming up in may againnn :( 

and i have aps .

and finals

and ion app which i am actually doing this year. 

i have a lot to work on for it though. I have most of it, I just need to organize my recco letters, which takes a kazillion years. 

and i have all the other raw data. i hope my psats and sats are enough to get me through. i feel like the were on the "meh" side. maybe my other stats can boost it. 

i'm nervous. but if i get into ION, i'm virtually gauranteed a fabulous summer in a hot climate with kids i don't know. but am forced to know. which has the potential of being very very very good. 

i even looked at my housing options. it will only cost about...more than half my stipend! :P

but totally worth it. 

free-ish. and then being paid?! 

: )

i'm feeling low on the social ladder though. 

prom is doing nothing for my self-esteem. no invites, and my only friends don't want to go and i feel like i'm dragging them on a death march. it shouldn't be this way. 

i'd totes rather be with people who want to go. and are excited about it. but not like the sisterhood kids cuz for some reason, they are wayyy too wrapped up in it. actually the whole school is getting prom-crazed. which is fine but aggravating. and what's more aggravating? i'm fattttt :(

i miss being the center of attention. i miss being obnoxiously loud. i miss walking into a cafeteria and having to wonder "hmmm...who should i sit with today?!" or exclaiming, "yo, dant" or "yo, chan!" wherever i went. i miss being one of the guys. i miss playing frisbee everyday. i miss being genuinely and completely and irrevocably happy. i miss seeing the sunrise coincide with happy times. i miss crying myself to sleep the night before it was all over. i miss crying over a boy. i miss talking to old friends while new friends consoled me. i miss rating my friends, quite honestly, but still as like the single hottest people this side of the world, i miss "a beautiful mind", i miss "you deserve a whack *whackkk*!", i miss "Action Potential!", i miss subcultsh, i miss the precollege guys, i miss the ballerinas, i miss buckland and rocky, i miss "four four four four!" and their little flag and marching, i miss "girl power!", i miss fun dances, i miss bohemian rhapsody, i miss blister in the sun, i miss tunak tunak tun, i miss nightswimming x3,i missed a lot more things but stupid chrome deleted like 30 of them... i miss belonging, i miss having friends who no matter when we saw each other next, we'd talk like best buds, i miss learning because learning was amazing, i miss wanting everything that happened to happen, i miss being reallly satisfied; feeling like you were on the inside of a really good secret joke, i miss being proud of my asian/indian ness, i miss race not being a factor, i miss having random convos without being weird and awk but making fun of kids who were, i miss feeling truly in control, i miss being myself, i miss a lotta things. but the things i miss most are passionfruit, love, friendship, learning, and learning how to say goodbye. i think i get an f----- in saying goodbye. i never wanted to leave. 

nevermores--2007 x33333

it will never get any better.