the festival of lights.

so. diwali and dancing at diwali was AMAZING.
i did not make a single mistake, and i actually feel good about my performance which makes the compliments seem valid. I mean, there are tons I could improve, but as a starting point for performing at USC? very very very good.
and as the evening progressed, getting compliments, and dancing on the dance floor, and cleaning up, and even setting up before any of it-- in hindsight: everything was worth it. i got to know my hso board better, and I had fun connecting with my new indian friends, while missing the old.

sunday was not so exciting: tidepool field trip. i did not really enjoy myself: i was drowning in lethargy and stress and worry and all these bad emotions that envelop me... mom and dad are right. when something goes wrong, i let it pervade and cannot fix it. and the only thing that ever works is starting all over from scratch. if that's what's necessary, that's what's hopefully going to be done. the details are left for tomorrow, but today--based on that idea--i'm feeling relieved. i would love to start over. i would love to actually LIKE chemistry! i feel like i didn't give it a chance because honors was SO beyond over my head.

now i can focus on my 14 credits! I read a bio chapter today. I think I can do bio lab studying, watch gossip girl, go to open mic, read some othello. I feel like I can get things DONE and done WELL. it's an empowering feeling. and I feel like had I done the easier chemistry, even with the same timings, I would probably feel this way too. pity i didn't THINK about the consequences of taking honors back during registration. but my situation was also not good. I was registering while I was in atlanta, on the phone with TO, etc. it was a bad situation. now, i have determined my classes for next semester: psych 100, stat for psych, bio 121b, chem 105a & maybe a two credit. I AM GOING TO DO WELL! admitting ignorance isn't defeat, it's learning in its highest sense. knowing what one doesn't know--that being said, i hope i finish on time IN 2013!!! it may mean some summers spent here versus at home but I think it will turn out alright in the end. and if it's not alright, it's not the end!

and i'm reallly thinking about minoring in ancient religions & classics. I miss Latin a whole lot. richter made sure of that!

[i GOT A 98 on my FEAR OF DIVERSITY MIDTERM!!!! WOOOO!] :D

but yeah. good talk with krylov, and now i feel like i can tackle my work and do well.

xoxo,
maithreyi