cty. sometimes memories never fade

so. sometimes, you have to move on. sometimes, it is a choice. sometimes, moving on sucks. a lot.
sometimes, moving on means leaving your friends. sometimes, moving on means your friends have left you. sometimes, life just isn't peachy. or you want more. or something causes this movement that causes life to suck.

so for me, cty has ended. it didn't have to. i have one more year.
but that's just it.
one more summer "just cause I can" is not right to me.
especially when it costs money
and i could make money or learn for free now.

but then why does it hurt so much ?
to leave my friends? to " leave " the one place besides home where i felt alive?

why does it hurt to see my friends go on without me?
why?

this is an emo blog...
but i'm just wondering. cuz it was supposed to be about learning.
and i learned.
but the growing i didn't imagine. the making friends... i never went to camp and made friends before cty.
i was too uncool.
i was a dork. a freak. a little girl who liked books more than people.

now i just love people.
and i just lost the same ones.

and this big scheming dream i had... it's gone. there's nothing.
i need to make something happen.
i need to do something crazy.
or insightful
inspiring
to prove that i didn't leave my friends for nothing.
or to prove that i was not going to NOT make friends this summer.

but it doesn't stop the hurt. and the wishing and hoping we'll all meet again.
it sucks.
but in the end, it'll all be alright.

-maithreyiii