nostalgia x1944943e

so. i absolutely cannot believe how much i've changed from last year.

last year i was worried about trivial things like..." omg, do my friends like me? do i have a pretty dress for semi? i hate life... "

but now-- i'm like super-serious about life.
i want to go to an elite university.
i want to live past june 8th, and hopefully enjoy june 8th.
i am not waittttting for the last sunday in june. which is actually a really sad feeling.

i used to anticipate this time of year.
when there was like maybe 30 days until i'd see grass i loved, people i loved more, and an experience i would literally die for.

now-- i'm not so sure.
i know i would do anything for it again, but to make my family pay that much? for no-interest in the learning?

i'm done. i learned what i could. any experience i had is now being repaid to me in my classes and my knowledge.

in/de is finally paying off in class. i know my sequences and such.

unag has always given me a leg up esp in the china department.

intro to lab helps me boast my lab experience. and definitely gave me some learning on how to structure my experiments which will help me this summer.

chem helped me grow. and realize how to ask for help. how to NOT do labs. how to clean up. how to be diligent when you reallllly don't get it.

neuro taught me the rest. everything else. how to deal with people. how to fight for your goals. how to work hard.
:)

+ the people.

i STILL to this day talk to deb, erica, jacqui, arun, christina, chelsea, and a few more people from 03.

empries, steph, and a few i can't remember from 04.

jamie [really from 04], crystal, brenda, angela, sean, sara from 05.

yisu, steph, diandra, yuting, soph, andrew from 06.


and

dang, crypto c, and my hall from 07 :)


so, friends for life?

possibly.
i mean, some of these forever friends are definitely forever. i mean, me and deb have known each other for like 5 years. we still talk. we still blog. we still listen. she sent me a christmas card this year :) <33
& we've only gotten closer over the years we haven't seen each other.
and the year we did, we grew.

we're different people now than we were when we were 10. but sometimes, i feel like nothing's changed.

sure, i've had experience in life. but all that means nothing when you think about friendship.

friends are forever. that much is true. if you stop being friends, it doesn't stop the fact thtat you were close at one point.

i mean, how else do TOTAL strangers become life-long lovers?

it's happened. there's a bunch of cty romances that ended in serious relationships. and a couple ended in MARRIAGEEE.

i mean, people grow close.
even in a short time. we yearn for companionship as human beings.


and when we are apart from those in our natural habitats, those in our newer surroundings are just as appealing. just as friendly. just as important in our lives as those we see every day back home.

which is why this nostalgia for the past isn't bad. never bad. it's just yearning for a separate time that will never be. it's yearning to be with those whom you enjoyed your time with.

it's yearning to be part of something bigger than yourself.
something everyone wants.
i want it again.

i know i'm going to be a cty ra.
and not a tip ra or some other stupid program. definitely cty.

because three letters can mean a whole life, friendship, love lost and found.
:)